After over 6 years of masquerading as a
Designated Gay Friend (DGF), I became privy to many of the
sophisticated games and tricks women use to bedazzle males and ensure
victory in domestic disputes. Studies performed by Stuff-about.com's
Institute of Gender Conflict indicate that women win 73.56% of all
arguments and a further 89.35% of males report chronic depression or
muliebriphobia (fear of women) as a result.
Designated Gay Friend (DGF), I became privy to many of the
sophisticated games and tricks women use to bedazzle males and ensure
victory in domestic disputes. Studies performed by Stuff-about.com's
Institute of Gender Conflict indicate that women win 73.56% of all
arguments and a further 89.35% of males report chronic depression or
muliebriphobia (fear of women) as a result.
Tear Jerk.
This is a classic trick that has stood the test of time. For years women
have used crying to bend men to their will. Crying is socialized out
of the male at a very young age and consequently, they have no grasp
of what the process of crying entails. Therefore, they have no means
to defend against it. Males understand crying to be a result of a
stimulus causing pain. For a woman, crying is simply an arbitrary
response she can have to ANYTHING. Cute animals, Hallmark movies,
bunny rabbits, glitter and absolutely no reason are all things that
can cause a woman to cry. In short, to win an argument a woman just
begins crying thus causing the man to become frozen to the spot like
a naked Greek Statue wondering “wtf” just happened.
Feminist fatale.
When a woman is hopelessly losing an argument, she will
often resort to an angle which you can not offer a rebuttal to and in
the end you end up looking like an extremely insensitive dbag (Kanye
West). The feminist attack is one of them. Suddenly when backed into
a corner she will say something like, “You are just treating me
like this because I am a woman. Men have been persecuting women for
ages.” It is impossible to form a retort to this without sounding
like the king of misogyny unless you are black or Jewish, in which
case you can politely mention slavery or genocide.
The Sniper Ambush.
Females have realized the best way they can win an
argument is if the male is totally unprepared and caught off guard.
After realizing the male brain prefers to perform one task at a time,
an attack was designed to confront a man while he is sleeping, eating
or watching his favorite sports team. The man will not give her his
full attention; instead he will go into “autopilot” and pretend
to listen for safety reasons. A week will pass and he will reap the
“benefits” of promises he made unconsciously. There will be Pink
and yellow curtains, lilac wall paper and a pet bunny rabbit; all of
which he “promised” were ok in his moment of weakness.
The Drama Queen role reversal maneuver.
This is a classic female
maneuver. It is a feat of psychological manipulation only the fairer
sex is capable of executing effectively. It works something like
this. The woman will flip out and begin hurling verbal insults. In
the process, she will insult her in-laws while throwing objects that
qualify as “Weapons of Mass Destruction.” She will then push him
to the limits of his sanity with her antics. When he finally cracks
and throws a tantrum of his own, she miraculously snaps back into a
completely reasonable person. She will then say something like, “SEE!
This is why I can't talk to you! OMG, you are so dramatic!!”
This is a classic female
maneuver. It is a feat of psychological manipulation only the fairer
sex is capable of executing effectively. It works something like
this. The woman will flip out and begin hurling verbal insults. In
the process, she will insult her in-laws while throwing objects that
qualify as “Weapons of Mass Destruction.” She will then push him
to the limits of his sanity with her antics. When he finally cracks
and throws a tantrum of his own, she miraculously snaps back into a
completely reasonable person. She will then say something like, “SEE!
This is why I can't talk to you! OMG, you are so dramatic!!”
The Score Card.
Just because she has forgiven you, does not mean whatever you said or did will not be used against you in the “Female Court of Law.” You may have stared down the bosom of a fine lass or flirted with a barmaid. She caught you and got upset. You apologized.She forgave you and now you think it’s over right? WRONG! She has simply put it on her score sheet and she will save it for use at a later date. Just when you think you are winning an argument, she will unleash it and crush you like a cockroach.
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