1. If one of you got a job across the country, would you move there with the other? If you'd live anywhere with this person—because youtruly want to take things to the #NextLevel—you should feel good about apartment hunting. But if moving in is about saving rent or ditching lame roommates, think twice. "Cohabiting for convenience may lock you into a relationship that isn't good for you," says W. Bradford Wilcox, PhD, director of the National Marriage Project, at the University of Virginia. He says couples who make intentional decisions about milestones like moving in are more likely to stay together than those who casually "slide" into big transitions because it seems easy. Think about the "woulds" of living together rather than the "shoulds" (i.e., "I'd gladly have this guy in my bed every night" versus "All my friends live with their boyfriends, so I should too").
2. Can we deal with household stuff without hating each other's guts? A serious concern about his character (he's really selfish) could be a deal breaker. But if you're worried about his habit of leaving crusty chili bowls in the sink, that's totally normal. In fact, 83 percent of women say moving in with a boyfriend or girlfriend for the first time is a "real challenge," and the toughest issue is dividing chores, according to a survey by online art marketplace UGallery. Handle it Olivia Pope–style before move-in day: Order takeout, uncork wine, and divvy future tasks according to your strengths—maybe he's boss at cooking, and you're the lord of dishwasher loading. And plan to "negotiate your personal space," says Samantha Boardman, MD, a clinical instructor in psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College. "Having separate drawers and closets provides a sense of autonomy and makes you less likely to freak out when he leaves his towel on the floor." Preach!
3. Are we ready to have a serious chat about money? It's not the sexiest conversation, but you should be comfortable going there because cosigning a lease is no joke. "If your partner misses a rent payment, that could ding your credit score, since cosigning means you're responsible for any missing money," says Alexa von Tobel, founder and CEO of LearnVest and Cosmopolitan's financial columnist. (Your name should be on the lease so if you break up, you don't get kicked out.) Von Tobel suggests budgeting how much you'll each be able to pay in rent and bills. There's no rule that says you have to split it 50/50—if one of you makes more and is okay with paying more, so be it. What matters is making a plan you're both happy with—and sometimes tossing the bills aside and making out.
4. Do we want moving in to lead to marriage? Forget your mom's old saying about the cow and the milk. Moving in doesn't mean he'll never put a ring on it. In fact, two-thirds of new marriages are between people who lived with their partner beforehand, according to recent data from the Council on Contemporary Families. Sharing your space can make cohabitation feel like a "trial marriage" for a lot of couples, says Arielle Kuperberg, PhD, an associate professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. But don't assume that moving in is going to lead to a big fat wedding. Be honest about where you want the relationship to go before you move in, and make sure you see eye to eye on "I do."
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